


Petra Remembers

by knightswhosay



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Not Really Character Death, but she dies just like in canon, it doesn't describe it though, the fic is about her life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-20
Updated: 2013-10-20
Packaged: 2017-12-29 23:35:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1011410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knightswhosay/pseuds/knightswhosay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While Petra fights the female Titan in the forest beyond Wall Rose, her life flashes before her eyes. She remembers her life with the military, from her training to joining the Special Operations Squad, from only knowing Levi's name to knowing his life story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Petra Remembers

Petra remembers her training.

She remembers her instructors yelling, at her, at her class, occasionally even each other. She remembers how she was horrible at first. She could, at least, stay in the air, unlike some of the recruits. She could not, however, perform of the any complicated maneuvers, the maneuvers required to stay alive. She remembers how graceful the instructors looked when they took to the sky, dancers who defied gravity. How she wanted that deadly beauty too.

She remembers the day when everything came together. She had been doing better, her turns and flips getting faster and smoother, her aim getting more accurate, her mind growing more strategic, but something still hadn't clicked.

They had had a guest speaker that day: Hanji Zoe, a scientist with the Survey Corps. Up until then, Petra had little interest in the Titans' biology—she wasn't sure what she, but she wasn't a scientist—but Hanji was so fascinated with the subject, so enthusiastic about it, that Petra left the lecture oddly lightened. She felt that maybe did have a chance, that they could learn the Titans' weaknesses, that they they could use them, that humanity could be saved.

After the lecture, they broke up into the squads and did drills against wooden Titans. Petra didn't get any kills herself, but her mind was clear, her turns and flips seamless. She was more cohesive with her squad, and at the end of the day, her team had the most kills. She wondered if this was what they called hope.

Petra remembers the day she graduated. It was two years after the fall of Wall Maria. She graduated fifth in her class. She had come far, one of the instructors told her, privately. He told her she could go farther still. She asked how. He wouldn't tell her; he didn't want her to die.

She was asked if she wanted to join the Military Police. She said no. What good would her help there? She wasn't completely naïve. Then, Commander Erwin stood before her and the people in her class who hadn't been in the top ten. He asked them to join to the Survey Corps, to pretty much forfeit their lives. He asked those who wanted to join the Garrison to leave.

When dust cleared, Petra was still there. She wasn't the only one, but there were few who stayed. Her father would heartbroken; he hadn't wanted to her to join the military, although he was still very proud of her.

Erwin thanked them, and she took the next step of her training.

* * *

 

Petra remembers her first time out of the walls. It had been a simple reconnaissance mission; it was terrifying. It was one thing to fight wooden Titans that wouldn't do anything to you, it was another to even look at the real ones. They were revolting and intimidating. She had sat frozen on her horse until someone noticed that the newbie was paralyzed and was going to ride straight to the Titan. They had flown done and picked her up, saving her.

It wasn't until later did she realize she had also soiled her pants that day.

She remembers the first time she met Levi. She had seen him before, of course, Humanity's Strongest, but he had never acknowledged. It was the day she had killed her first Titan, and although there was no commendation to earn, she nonetheless felt like she had finally earned her place in the ranks.

After they reentered Wall Rose, Levi brought his horse up to hers. "Petra Ral."

"Yes?"

"You're still alive. Good job."

She watched him trot away, up the line towards Erwin. Hanji took his place. "He's just finished reading the casualty list."

Petra looked at Hanji. They had talked a few times since Petra joined, but she was still unfamiliar with the other woman and most of the high ranking officers. "Pardon?"

"He reads the casualty list after every mission. It's Erwin's job, but he does it too. Every night after a mission, he and Erwin write condolences. There are always condolences."

Petra could still see Levi's head, black hair bobbing at the front of the line. "That's..." She couldn't think of any words to express her feelings.

"I know."

"Did you find anything useful?"

Hanji grinned. "Maybe."

* * *

 

Petra remembers when Levi asked her to join the Special Operations Squad. She had been in the Survey Corps for a year and a half, which, sadly, was impressive in and of itself. What was more impressive was the number of kills she had. Petra's was not yet a household name, but her superiors would have praised her skill, her deadly grace. They would have, but this was war and the only thing she got from them was more responsibilities.

Levi had noticed more, however. He noticed how her presence made everyone else happy. He noticed that she was hopeful, yet realistic, that she never sounded defeated nor naïve. He saw that she cared about every soldier in the Survey Corps, even when she masked her feelings to concentrate on the mission or to give others some stability, someone to look to for guidance even while their own hearts were breaking. He saw because he did the same.

She was sitting on top of a small wall that surrounded the Corps's current headquarters. He pushed himself up beside her. "What can I do for you, Corporal?"

"There's an open position in my Special Operations Squad. I'd like you to join us."

"When you say 'an open position' do you mean-"

"Yes."

She looked at him for a long minute. "If I say yes, can I look through the casualty reports with you and the Commander?"

"Why would you ever want to do that?"

"Sharing pain makes it easier."

"It would break your heart?"

She looked away from him, out to the horizon. "Who says my heart hasn't already been broken?"

"You're young. You couldn't be more than twenty-eight, and I doubt you're that."

"I'm twenty-four."

"You're making me feel worse. I already didn't want to ask you to join." She looked at him again, doe eyes sad. "It gets worse?" he asked.

She nodded. "I don't have to tell you."

"You might as well. Knowing your life story now would be better than learning from your parents."

She swallowed, then spoke. "I'm an only child. My father didn't want me to join the military, much less the Survey Corps, because my mother died before the fall of Wall Maria."

"She was part of the Corps?"

Petra nodded. "And of course, she's why I initially wanted to join. And after the fall, it was more important. My father will be devastated that I've joined your squad but he'll be even prouder."

"You don't have to join. This kind of promotion is optional."

She looked at him and smiled. "Don't be silly. Of course I'm joining. Has Commander Erwin already approved?"

"Yes."

"Do I need to go pack? Do I have new quarters?"

"That can wait. Let me introduce you to the rest of the squad."

* * *

 

Petra remembers her first mission with the Special Operations Squad. The five of them were a well-oiled machine. They were able to capture a Titan alive and bring it back to Hanji who thanked them all with rushed hugs before she started working with her new friend.

She remembers the first time she fought with Auruos, after he had adopted a cravat. She remembers that she didn't know why it bothered her so much for a long time. She remembers the first time she laughed with her squad, the first time she saw Levi smile.

She remembers the first time she read the casualty reports. She felt like crying, but she didn't, for them. Because Levi didn't know how to cry and Erwin was too proud and if she cried alone it would make them feel worse.

* * *

 

Petra remembers the first time she did cry in front of Levi. She had never been afraid to cry—she cried often in her room, although she tried never to cry herself to sleep—but it was always a private affair, not out of embarrassment, but out of concern for them.

A few weeks after a particularly bad mission, after they read the casualty list, after they sent out condolences, Petra got one of the letters she had written returned in the mail. There was a note written on it by the postmaster; apparently the soldier's parents had died during the fall of Wall Maria. Even though they were from Rose, they had been visiting family.

The mail had arrived while everyone was in the mess hall. Petra had calmly stood up and walked out, leaving her food at her seat.

She had intended to walk to her room, but she only got as far as the Special Operations Squad's hallway before she collapsed, sobbing, on the hard floor. She pulled herself into a ball, head in between her knees, her tears soaking her white pants. She didn't notice the sound of one of the doors opening, nor the loud sound of Levi's boots as he walked toward her.

"Petra," he said. She didn't respond. He kneeled down in front of her. "Petra," he said again, louder.

She looked up at him, still crying, her face red and wet. "Corporal?"

"Levi."

"Sir?"

"Levi," His face looked as expressionless as always, eyes dark and serious.

"Levi," she said.

"Good." He put an arm around her shoulders and grabbed both her hands with one of his, pulling her upright.

She sniffed. "I'm sorry, sir—Levi. I'll try to stop crying."

"Don't. It's okay." He guided her to his room, his arm still around her shoulder. He sat her down on his bed, immaculately made. She wasn't crying as much, but her breaths were ragged and she shook. "What's wrong?"

She waved the paper at him. "He—his parents are dead! They were...they were killed. And we didn't even know."

"This is your first returned letter?"

She looked up at him, horrified. "There are are more?"

"There are always more."

With a sob, she buried her face into his chest. "How do you cope? You've been doing it longer than me!"

After a moment, he rested his hand on the top of her head. "I clean."

* * *

 

Petra remembers when she first met Eren Yeager. She had been at the trial, had watched Levi beat the kid within an inch of his life, had known it was for show, had known Levi hadn't gotten of it even though the gossip mongers in the ranks seemed pretty sure about it.

She felt incredibly sorry for Eren. He was a boy with words like destiny thrust upon him. He seemed to be nice to others as well. She was still suspicious of him and she felt horrible for it.

She remembers when she met Eren's sister. So many people compared Mikasa to Levi and she wondered if Levi did see himself in the younger girl. She wondered if Levi felt the same drive to protect and who he might feel it for.

* * *

 

Petra remembers when she learned Levi's lifestory. It was the day Eren had accidentally turned into a Titan and Petra had drawn her swords. After dinner, Petra went to her room. Levi found her there sometime later. He sat down on her bed and asked her to do the same. She did.

"You're what, twenty-five now?"

"Almost twenty-six."

"I'm thirty-four."

"Okay."

"I was born in Sina, the bastard son of a nobleman."

"Why are you-"

He glared at her. "Don't interrupt me!"

"I'm sorry." She gently touched his hand in apology.

"My mother died giving birth to me. My father had enough charity to take me away from the whorehouse he frequented and give me to one of the servant families under his employ. I was raised as a servant to my half-brother and such I still am."

She stared at him.

"My brother has not always led an honest life. Therefore, neither have I."

She opened her mouth to ask a question, but he answered it for her, "We have never talked about it, but he has probably guessed. He is a smart man. What kind of valet would follow his master to hell?"

"A good one."

Levi smiled, but in a blink it was gone.

Petra touched his hand again. "Why are you telling me?"

"I don't know. I don't know Petra."

* * *

 

Petra remembers the first time she kissed Levi. It was a month ago, before this mad venture outside Rose.

His lips had been chapped, but they were still warm. When he kissed back, she realized why Aurous made her so mad. She wrapped her arms around his neck and Levi pulled her to him. He ghosted kisses over her eyes, her nose, her forehead, like he didn't care about having his heart broken. For the moment, neither of them did.

He was warm. His embrace was warm, his bed was warm, his skin was warm. She remembers the nights after that, nights they spent lazing under covers in the safety of sleep. She remembers coming up with more what-ifs than she had since childhood. She remembers being happy.

Petra remembers.

Petra remembered.

**Author's Note:**

> It is my headcanon that before the fall of Wall Maria, people didn't join the military quite as young since it didn't seem as urgent. In this fic, Petra joined when she was about eighteen and the wall fell two years later. 
> 
> i hoped you enjoyed


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